With Friends Like These
by prussionion
Summary: They're called the Bad Friends Trio for a reason - that reason being: they are really bad friends! A series of unrelated adventures of the BFT being awful friends to each other and a nuisance to the rest of the World.
1. Revenge

_This is the beginning of random unrelated stories of the Bad Friends being really awful friends to each other, cos there aren't enough storys out there of them being utterly vile to each other and making everyone wonder 'Why the hell are they friends?' Although I'm afraid there isn't much Spain in this chapter.  
_

_I hope you enjoy. :)  
_

_obviously I own nothing_

_-x-_

* * *

**With Friends Like These**

- Chapter One** -  
**

* * *

**Revenge**

* * *

France gazed out his window, sighing contently he admired the beautiful summers day. The sun was shining in a gorgeously clear blue sky, flowers were in full bloom, children were laughing, lovers went hand-in-hand, and best of all, England was far away on his miserable little island.

'_That reminds me,'_ he thought. He turned on his computer, as much as he hated it he found it had good uses, the main one being e-mailing certain nations. He began to type.

**'_Dearest Angleterre'_**

It began, obnoxiously French, as to be expected.

**_I was admiring this beautiful day. The sun, the sky, the flowers, and the amour ~ It wafts through the air._**

**_It reminded me of you, and I smiled, because the thought of you knowing NOTHING of such a thing as you sulk on that ghastly, rainy little island of yours!_**

**_Such a pity, I do hope the weather isn't THAT bad (though I highly doubt it) we wouldn't want to mess your hair up more than it already is. Just imagine if it got any worse! I fear it may come alive one day, just like those awful substances of yours you call…'food'!_**

**_But do not despair, if you are upset (more than usual, that is) you know Big Brother France is waiting with open arms to COMFORT you ;)_**

**_Remember: I am just over La Manche ~_**

**_I look forward to seeing you soon ma Cherie _**

**_With 'love'_**

**_France ~ xoxo_**

**_p.s here is a link to a website I'm SURE you'll enjoy ;))))_**

**_www . xxx -ohlala .fr /honhonhon/baguette_**

France reread his email a couple of times to check his English was as perfect as he could make it. As much as he hates English, and as much as England hated him using French, it pissed him off considerably more when the French nation's English was good, as he could not obnoxiously correct it.

Once he was happy, he clicked send and hoped he would receive a reply soon. He found nothing was more enjoyable than annoying England when he was bored.

France was bought out of his thoughts suddenly by some very loud bangs at his front door.

"Mon Dieu!" France exclaimed stereotypically. _'How could England have read his emails and got over here so quickly?!'_ he asked himself._ 'Did he decide to take up my offer of _comfort_-"_ a lecherous smile broke across his face. _'-or is he going to try to damage my beautiful face?'_ France became outraged._ 'How could that brute even consider such an awful thing?!'_

He was not in the mood for violence, and he had not even had to shave his legs if England did want _'comforting'_. He stomped towards his front door to tell the English thug to _go away_, when the person banging on the door stopped, and started shouting instead.

"Oi, France!" They bellowed. "You in there?!"

France sighed in relief. The rude individual outside did not have an English accent, but a German one.

The relief he had just experienced decided to abruptly go on holiday.

'_What is Prussia doing here?'_ Many scenarios ran through his head. _'Is he here to attack my trei bien physique too?'_

As France went through his extensive 'What Does Prussia Want Revenge For?' list, he had one for every country, the banging started up again.

On the other side Prussia gave the door a few good kicks.

"What the hell is taking him so long?" He asked aloud, not considering the fact that France just might not be at home.

Getting bored of trying, and failing, not that he would ever admit it, to kick the door down Prussia walked to the window and peered inside. He saw France standing in the middle of his front room seemingly arguing with himself. Prussia briefly wondered if the French nation had been spending too much time around England as he appeared to have caught the crazy.

The impatient Prussian started banging on the window to get the Frenchman's attention. It did not work. So Prussia decided to do what any sane person in his situation would do. He grabbed a nearby rock, and promptly smashed the window. He then climbed through the broken window, walked to the front door, opened it, stepped back outside, and walked back through the now open door.

While this was happening France simply watched with a blank expression, as he could not comprehend what was happening right before his eyes. France was old, France was a nation, France had been through countless wars, and yet what he saw at this moment in time froze his brain.

'_I've got to stop drinking so much in the morning,'_ was the only thought his brain could conjure up. His brain then decided that even that was too much and left the building, along with France's temper.

"The door was unlocked, you monster!" He barked at the extremely unwanted intruder.

"Huh, was it?" was Prussia's reply. "Well, you shouldn't have kept the super patient me waiting. How was I supposed to know?" He scoffed.

"What is wrong with you?!" France asked.

It was one of the great questions, along with_ 'What's the meaning of life?'_, _'Is there a God?'_,_ 'Where did I put my keys?'_, and _'Why can I never find the matching sock?'_. Unfortunately for France, and Germany, none of these questions had an answer, though not through lack of trying. Germany had once sent out a mass email asking that if anyone knew what was wrong with his brother then could they please inform him, preferably with a power point presentation clearly outlining the main issues. He had yet to receive a helpful reply.

"Hey, chillout," Prussia told France, "my awesome ears can't handle screeching that high pitched, you're almost as bad as West!"

France gathered all the will power he possessed, not that he had any according to others. He has been burdened with dealing with England for hundreds of years, which takes a lot restraint. He forced himself to calm down, the country of love does not act like said moody, ungrateful little island.

"You're paying for that," he told Prussia, pointing at his broken window.

"What? Why?" he asked. "It was your rock that broke it! Don't blame m-"

"And that!" France cut in as soon as he saw the number of muddy foot prints on his once beautiful, now dented, front door. He then turned around in a dramatic fashion, and waltzed into the kitchen for a strong drink. One always needed at least one drink when Prussia was around.

Half an hour, and more than one glass of wine, later France emerged from the kitchen, back into his front room. He had spent longer drinking than intended, as he realised he had left Prussia unsupervised in his house longer than advised. What was worse was that he was being quiet, and a quiet Prussia is _never_ a good thing.

To his surprise Prussia had not in fact caused any more destruction, but was instead taping large pieces of glass to the window frame. He looked up to see France.

"Oh hey," he greeted, so nonchalantly as though it were his house. "Since you got all pissy about your window for some reason, I decided to selflessly fix it for you, and yes, you may worship me!" Prussia beamed as he inspected his shoddy work, there were large gaps in the window and broken glass still all over the floor. "Good as new. Now what's for lunch?"

As it turned out, lunch was a wine bottle to the face.

* * *

"-and West was all _'No, Prussia! You can't come to Austria's for the meeting 'cause I'm a stick in the mud, and he's a prissy aristocratic bastard, and we're in love, and your awesome presence would just mess everything up, blah, blah, blah!'_"

"Yes, that sounds like something Germany would say."

"-he thought I was gonna cause an _'international incident'_ or some shit like that!"

"I hate those."

"-I was just gonna break Austria's piano a little! How could West have a problem with that?"

"That is a mystery."

"-so I left and went off to do super awesome things by myself, 'cause yanno, being on my own is the best-"

"So you keep saying."

"-but then I thought _'wait, I bet France is lonely and being a pansy about it!'_"

"I'm honoured."

"-So I decided to come visit you!" Prussia finally finished his story. Thirty-five minutes ago France did not think he would regret asking the simple question of _'why are you here?'_, but everyday existed to surprise him.

"Well, as much as I enjoy your company, Prussia," France began, "I am afraid I'm expecting some very important company," he started to usher Prussia towards the door with his hands characteristically dangerously low near his backside. "So you're going to have to leave immediately, so sorry."

"Hands off, Frenchie!" Prussia pushed France away. "I was kind enough to grace you with my amazingly cool presence, and all you can do is lie to me, and try to kick me out of your stupid house?!"

"Lie? I have done no such thing!" France acted outraged. "How can you be so rude as to accuse my fabulous self of such an uncouth, English thing?!"

"You told me yesterday on the phone that you had no plans today," Prussia pointed out. "You are so thick!"

'_Damn, I forgot about that,' _France thought,_ 'quick, think of something!'_

"Ah…well done, you've passed my test," France said hurriedly, thinking there was surely no way anyone would fall for that.

He was wrong.

"Haha," Prussia exclaimed, "of course I did. There is no test I cannot pass!"

"Except an I.Q. test," France muttered under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, now you never properly told me why you're here."

"I thought we could go to Spain's, and get hammered!" Prussia explained excitedly.

"I would love to, but Spain and I have a conference to go to tomorrow morning, and if we were to turn up late and-or hung over, then that wonderful brother of yours would kill us." France explained as smoothly as he possibly could. All he had wanted was a relaxing day before the EU conference the next day, he needed to be on top form so he could craftily extract more money from England. As much as he loved having a drink, getting naked, and sharing love with the world, it would have to wait until tomorrow when lots of countries would be in the same room together. He hoped Prussia would not catch his half-bluff, not that he ever did.

"Man, West is such a buzz kill," Prussia said forlornly. "Okay, we won't go out on a pub crawl,"

A chorus of _Hallelujah_ sang through France's mind.

"-we'll just drink here and I'll spend the night."

The chorus was promptly beaten to death.

"No," France snapped. "You'll have to leave. I have important work to do. You're not a country any more, so I wouldn't expect you to understand!"

Prussia started to laugh, and his eyes began to water. "Ha, fine," he started, "Being on my own is way more awesome than hanging out with you anyway! Plus, I hate your house, it's so dusty it's making my eyes water!"

France sighed in the only way befitting a Frenchman, dramatically. He tried another strategy.

"It wouldn't be nice if Spain was not here with us, now would it?"

"Lame excuse, Francine," Prussia told him. "I know you two do stuff without me all the time so I'm staying here!" He jumped onto France's sofa. "Now go fetch me some food, I'm starving. And make sure it's none of that French crap, I want something manly and awesome. You got any pancakes?"

* * *

While Prussia was eating the pancakes France had cooked for him, as he never gave up an opportunity to show off his superior cooking skills, France sat down to check if England had replied to his email. France smirked. He had.

**'_Dear Frog!' _**it read.

**'_Here's an idea for you: Piss off and stop emailing me!_**

**_The weather is perfectly fine over here, thank you for your concern. There is nothing wrong with my hair. Even if there was, at least it is an acceptable length for a Gentleman, unlike your girl hair!_**

**_ALSO THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY FOOD! WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ANYWAY, YOU TOSSER?! YOUR FOOD COMES FROM A GARDEN POND!_**

**_You are NOT my 'big brother' THANK CHRIST, so stop calling yourself that AND GET A GRIP!_**

**_Each day I thank God that the ENGLISH CHANNEL keeps you away from me, shame it's not bigger!_**

**_And I vaguely know enough of that piss poor language of yours to understand that that Cherie crap is the female version, you WANKER! You just wait for tomorrow! I'll rip that beard off, you wine freak!_**

**_With absolutely NO LOVE whatsoever,_**

**_England._**

**_P.S. That site opened automatically when I opened the email and it is DISGUSTING! Why on Earth did you think people would want to look at naked pictures of you?! I'm having it shut down immediately!_**

Seeing England's rage, from a safe distance of course, always cheered France up. He chuckled as he started to type his reply.

* * *

In the other room Prussia was finishing off his third round of pancakes when he received a phone call.

'_I bet it's West!'_ he thought. _'He's probably missing his awesome big brother!'_ He chuckled to himself.

Prussia was so certain it was Germany, mostly because no one else ever calls him, he answered his phone without looking at the screen. It turned out it was not Germany after all.

"_Hello, Prussia,"_ Came the cheery voice on the other end of the phone.

"Wah! Russia?!" Prussia almost fell over. "Where did you get this number?!" He was certain he never gave it to Russia. In fact he made sure of it.

"_I kindly asked France for it," _Prussia could almost sense his smile through the phone. _"Would you like to come and visit me soon? It's been so long,"_

"No!" Prussia snapped back. "I don't want to visit you, ever!"

"_Oh, so you want me to visit you then? Okay!"_

"What? No, you can't visit me either!"

"_But, Prussia, if you come I have vodka for you,"_

"I don't care! I hate vodka!"

"_I also have beer,"_

"…you have beer?" The conversation suddenly took a turn. "Okay then mayb- Wait! No! Just leave me alone!" He hung up and immediately text his brother.

'_**West i need a new phone! Mine is broken! Go buy ur awesome big bro a new 1 kaythnx'**_

He then threw his phone at the television, causing both to electronics to smash, and then set out to find something very valuable and breakable.

* * *

Hearing the smash, France came running into the room fearing the worst. He looked at his broken television in horror. The missing Prussian only added to his fears.

"Prussia!" He called out. He received no reply. Another smash came from upstairs. France wasted no time. He raced towards the source of noise and ego. He found the Prussian menace in his bedroom with his foot through the Frenchman's prized wall mirror.

"What the hell do you think you are doing, you brute?!" France screamed.

"Just breaking your stuff," Prussia replied coolly, as though he was not vandalising someone's home.

"Why?!" France started to become supersonic at this point.

"It all started this morning," Prussia began. France knew this was going to be some long drawn out story, and tried to calm himself long enough to listen to the, no doubt stupid, explanation. Prussia continued, "I followed West to Austria's house, and that Hungarian beast was there! She tried to beat my awesome head in with a frying pan for some reason. Turns out you told her I stole her underwear?!"

France gulped nervously.

"How gross is that?!" The Prussian carried on. "I can't believe she believed you over me! So once I was thrown out – I mean left of my own accord 'cause they all suck! I decided to get my revenge!" He finished with a vicious grin.

"That's why you're breaking my stuff?" France asked in disbelief. "Over some underwear?" He reminded himself at that point that wars had started over stupider things.

"No, I only broke your window because of that," Prussia snorted, like it was obvious, "and I did fix it! But then I received a phone call," France felt dread wash over him. "It was that bastard Russia! Apparently someone gave him my phone number, and it wasn't me!

"He'll keep harassing me now! If he comes to my house I'll kill you!" Prussia was getting angrier and angrier, and the angrier he got the more he kicked the mirror. "So this is my revenge!"

"Giving Russia your number was _my_ revenge against you because you set my garden on fire last week!" France retorted.

"What are you talking about?" Prussia asked. "I'd never do something that awesome and not remember it!" He argued back, whilst mentally berating himself for not taking pictures. "You must have made it up in that delusional mind of yours!"

France let out one long breath.

"I'm not going to argue with you anymore, you complete imbecile. It is late and I am le tired. We shall continue this in the morning." France said wearily. It would be a success for the French nation if Prussia believed he had given up so easily. The truth was France was plotting.

"Fine, but I get your bed." Prussia decided. "I am the guest after all!" He jumped into France's bed fully dressed with his muddy, glass covered shoes. "Oi, aren't you going to clean up that mess?" He pointed towards the floor littered with the shards of the host's once beautiful mirror. "Do you always keep this place in such a state? No wonder no one ever visits."

"I'll clean it up shall I?" France replied in a restrained voice. He tried to keep his temper, as it was the only way his plan would work.

By the time all the glass had been swept up Prussia had fallen asleep. France's mood swiftly changed as a perverse look crept upon his face. He was instantly unclothed and in the bed. Unfortunately for France Prussia was only in a light sleep. He immediately awoke and shot up, pushing France off the bed.

"Hey!" Prussia slurred, still partly asleep. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Going to bed, moron."

"Not here you aren't! You'll only try to touch the super cute me in my sleep!"

"It's my bed, so get out if you don't like what I do in it."

"Ewww, that's gross," Prussia threw a pillow at him. "I'm not leaving and it's one of my philosophies to never get in bed with a Frenchman, especially if he's not dressed. Now get out!"

France decided that he would leave the room, but at a cost. He rubbed his sore jaw mumbling something about_ 'stupid English philosophies'_ when his plan fully formed against Prussia. A word crossed his mind, it was such a simple, yet the most beautiful and seductive word to France in the world right now – even if it had got him in his current situation.

It was simply: _Revenge._

France needed to make a phone call.

* * *

"-and that's my plan."

"_I dunno, that sounds kinda mean. Won't it upset him?"_

"He deserves it! He needs to be taught a lesson."

"_He hasn't done anything to me."_

"Remember a few months ago when you were locked out of your house for three days, and had to sleep in a bush because Romano thought you'd slept with his brother?"

"…_yes."_

"Prussia told him that."

"_I'll bring my axe."_

* * *

Prussia woke with a start, as the bedroom door was kicked open. The room was pitch black, the only light now coming through the open doorway. Squinting Prussia saw the silhouette of an usually tall, dark shape. It was almost the height of two men, draped in a large black cloak, and wielding what appeared to be a large axe. The _thing_ slowly advanced into the room.

"_**PRUSSSSSSSIIAAAAA…" **_It groaned in an almost inhuman voice, as it made its way closer towards the bed.

"Who-who are you?" Prussia mentally cursed himself for stuttering in front of an unknown enemy. Enemy, as he highly doubted this thing was friendly.

"**IT IS I, DEA-"** The figure's introduction was cut short, as it caught its foot in its cloak, and fell face first onto the floor.

"Deh?" Prussia snorted. "What kind of stupid name is that?"

"**NO!"** The creature snapped as it finally got its footing again after quite a struggle. **"IT IS I, DEATH!"**

Prussia's heart stopped in his chest. "W-what? Why are you here? Has someone finally killed France?!"

"What?" Death almost choked. "**NO! NO ONE WOULD EVER KILL SUCH AN AMAZING COUNTRY!"** They snapped angrily at the ex-nation.

"I beg to differ," Prussia scoffed. "Wait, why do you sound French?" He asked.

"**BECAUSE I AM FRENCH!" **Death made a dramatic hand movement as though that proved his point. It did. **"DO NOT QUESTION DEATH, MORTAL!"**

"So, you're telling me that Death is French?"

"**YES!"**

"England was right!" Prussia exclaimed. Death began to splutter.

"**THAT UNBELIEVABLE, UNBEARABLE, CRUDE, RUDE, FOUL-MOUTHED, INTOLERABLE-"**

Death carried on insulting England for whatever reason, while Prussia was fixated on the large axe the being was holding. _'That looks oddly familiar,'_ he thought.

"Why do you have an axe?" He interrupted Death's rant. "Shouldn't you have a scythe?"

Death let out an annoyed sigh. **"I CAN CARRY ANY WEAPON I WANT!"**

"Why?"

"**I'M DEATH!"** Death bellowed.

"Oh, sorry. WHY?!" Prussia repeated the question louder, misunderstanding what the creature meant.

"**SILENCE!"** Death bellowed, finally losing their patience. **"I AM HERE FOR YOU 'PRUSSIA' YOUR DEATH IS LONG OVER DUE! I WAS MEANT TO COME FOR YOU YEARS AGO!"**

"The-then why did you wait until now?" Prussia choked, starting to feel dread.

**"WELL YOU KNOW HOW IT IS, I KEPT GETTING DISTRACTED,**" Death shrugged nonchalantly. **"BUT NONE OF THAT MATTERS NOW!"**

Prussia found an axe pointed towards his face.

"Okay, okay," he resigned. "Just before I go…can you tell me if I'll get to see Old Fritz again? I am going to Heaven, right?"

"**AS I AM FRENCH AND YOU ARE PRUSSIA WHERE DO YOU THINK I'M GOING TO SEND YOU?"** Death scoffed.

"Well if you put it that way then you're definitely going to let me live seeing as I'm the awe aspiring Prussia!"

An uncomfortable silence fell over the room.

"…Okay, fine!" Prussia broke the silence. "In that case I'm obviously going to Heaven!"

The silence was resurrected.

"Alright!" Prussia barked. "So I'm going to hell! Not that I care! There are so many people down there I wanna punch!" He let out a cackle.

"**AH, BUT YOU SEE,"** Death leant towards the ex-nation, **"IN HELL THERE IS NO REVENGE,"**

Prussia scoffed.

"**NOR IS THERE ANY FIGHTING,"**

"That's ridiculous,"

"**THERE IS NO WURST,"**

Prussia gasped.

"**NO BEER,"**

"T-that can't be true,"

"**THERE ARE ONLY PIANOS AND FRYING PANS,"**

Prussia let out a weak laugh, "I could handle that, no problem,"

"**YOU RELIVE ALL YOUR WORST MEMORIES EVERY DAY TO THE SOUND OF LAUGHING AUSTRIANS,"**

Prussia's laugh trailed off.

"**THEY ONLY SPEAK RUSSIAN DOWN THERE,"**

Prussia had become paler than usual.

"**AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?"** Death leant towards Prussia.

"What?" came the weak reply.

"**THE WORD 'AWESOME' IS BANNED!"**

Prussia ran screaming from the house.

* * *

**xXxXx**


	2. Vampires

Disclaimer: I own nothing: not Hetalia, the characters nor any books mentioned. D:

Hope you enjoy. :)

* * *

**With Friends Like These**

~ Chapter Two ~**  
**

* * *

**Vampires**

* * *

Prussia came bursting through the door.

"Oh my God, you guys!" He shouted at France and Spain, who were currently involved in a game of strip poker – France had won every hand so far but for some reason he was the one completely naked while Spain was only down to his pants and socks.

"What?" France asked annoyed at the interruption.

"Vampires!"

"Vampires?" Spain asked.

"Yes vampires,"

"What of them?"

"I think America is a vampire,"

"What? Why?" Both Nations asked perplexed.

"Well earlier I was snooping around his house for blackmail material, and you'll never guess what I found under his bed!"

"Honhonhon~ I can imagine," France got a lewd expression on his face as he imagined, "but please do tell!"

"It was this book," Prussia excitedly pulled out a tatty copy of _Twilight_. France shrieked, "Ah! Not that ghastly manifestation of pure evil!"

"What's wrong with it?"

"That _thing_ is a curse upon literature! What's worse is that I agree with England on the matter." France shuddered.

"How does it make America a vampire though?" Spain asked Prussia.

"Because it's like a bible to vampire worshipers, I've seen them on TV. It tells of a story somewhere in America of this girl and she becomes one with this vampire and all this stuff happens and now America is full of vampires and he is one! I saw it with my own eyes!"

"Vampires drink blood. Have you ever seen America drink blood?" Spain asked.

"Nah man, it says in the book they don't drink blood,"

"Forget the book! Just think about _real_ vampire lore. Vampires drink blood and America doesn't, therefore, he is not a vampire. Now go home." France demanded,not for the first time.

"I bet he does drink blood." Prussia muttered childishly.

"Well I bet he doesn't." France threw back at him.

"Then it's settled." Spain interrupted cheerfully. "We shall go see if America drinks blood, if he does Prussia wins, if not then France wins."

"What will I win?" They both asked at the same time and then glared at each other.

"When I win – which I totally will – you have to get your Government to acknowledge my awesome existence." Prussia told the Frenchman whilst poking him.

"When _I_ win, you'll have to…" France stopped himself and a vulgar look crossed his face, for the second time, "…well…it'll be a surprise."

- **X** -

America was sulking.

"I can't believe England thinks I'm 'uncultured'" he said out loud as he ate a burger. "Just 'cause he is such an old man and I'm so young and the Hero, he's jealous."

He had just spoken to England on the phone, the conversation ended as it normally did, with England hanging up after a rant about all the things that are wrong with America. This time it was about his lack of culture. America was so annoyed that he dropped his burger, it rolled down his white t-shirt leaving red tomato sauce stains behind. He picked the burger up and continued eating.

'_I'll show England,'_ America thought, _'What was it that France always said made him cultured? Of course! Wine!'_

America fetched a bottle of red wine that France had given him for Christmas, there were other presents too, but they had to be secretly disposed of. He poured himself a glass and took a sip.

"Ugh! That tastes horrible!" He exclaimed. "I know what'll make it taste nicer." He grabbed some Coca-Cola and poured it into the glass, it turned the colour of the wine into a darker red, more of a blood red.

Before America could try his new contoxion, France, Prussia and Spain crashed through his door. They seemed to be arguing.

"You idiot! We should have snuck through the window. I know which one doesn't have a lock!" France snapped at Prussia.

"That's stupid. The plan was all about the element of surprise." Prussia argued back.

"Errrr, hi?" America interjected. They paid him no attention. Spain smiled at America but he then noticed the red splatters all over his top and the glass of a suspiciously dark red substance in his hand. It was then, for one of the few times in his life, that his brain comprehended the situation. He screamed and ran out the door back to the airport.

His sudden exit caused France and Prussia to stop arguing, and pulling each other's hair. They glanced towards America and saw exactly what Spain had.

"Ha!" Prussia yelled ecstatically, "I was right!" He was about to rub it in France's face until he saw that he was currently running in the same direction as Spain. Assuming they were just trying to abandon him in a foreign country again, Prussia ran after them shouting abuse.

America just stared at their retreating backs and only one thought passed his mind.

'_Europeans.'_

**- X -**

The first flight the trio of bad friends could get out of America was to the UK. On the flight they decided that it was a good idea to visit England to ask about America being a Vampire, for two reasons.

Firstly he should know about the vampire situation due to their _'Special Relationship'. _France made many lewd remarks about that. Secondly, because he was an expert on supernatural creatures, those _real_ and those made up in his head.

The plane landed and they stepped into the bright sun, France made a note to harass England about this later by claiming that it's the apocalypse. They got to England's house, for some reason all the curtains were drawn even though it was the afternoon. They banged loudly on the door.

England was dead to the world, a night of heavy drinking will do that to you. He had been up until the early hours of the morning having a drinking contest with Wales, Scotland had joined in at some point and then soon left with the rest of the booze.

The obnoxious hammering at his front door startled him, but the resulting fall from the bed to the floor was what woke him. At first he was confused and then the hangover hit him.

"Oi, England, let us in you bastard!" Came a voice from under his window.

England groaned, unless he told them quite clearly to go away and die they would keep bothering him. He pulled himself up and shuffled towards the door. On the other side Prussia was getting impatient, he was about to start shouting again when the door slowly opened.

As soon as the bright sunlight reached England's eyes his hangover was multiplied tenfold.

"The light! It burns!" He hissed and slammed the door in the other's faces.

The three of them just stared at the door for a moment while their brains tried to make sense of what had just happened.

"England...can't go into the sunlight...is he a vampire too...?" Spain asked the others. They didn't answer, as they were already halfway down the road.

**- X -**

"So...England and America are vampires..." France said out loud just to clarify it to himself.

"See I told you! I was right, again, as always." Prussia laughed his strange laugh arrogantly. The three of them had fled England with upmost haste and were now in Spain's living room. Spain was currently researching vampires on the internet.

"Why are you so cheerful about this?" France snapped. "Don't you understand what's going on? Nations have become vampires, For all we know, we're the only ones left unturned!"

"Don't be so melodramatic," Prussia brushed him off. "There's no way West would get bitten by a vamp,"

"That's not the point! The point is that there are vampires!" France stressed.

"Well, we'll just go out Vampire Hunting!" Prussia energetically decided. "That'll be awesome!"

"We can't just kill Nations!" France told him. "It'll cause an international incident,"

"I hate those stupid things!" Prussia muttered.

"Anyway, they probably won't die. We'll just have to find a way to cure them."

"So we're not going to stake any vampires?" Prussia asked forlornly.

"I'm afraid not." France replied. "Spain, have you found anything yet?"

"It says on this website that vampirism is associated with Romania a lot, so let's give him a call."

"Ugh, I hate that guy," Prussia complained. "He's probably a vampire himself,"

Spain picked up the phone and dialled Romania's number.

"Oh hey, Romania! It's Spain ... I was wondering if you could tell me about vampires ... Hello? ... Romania, hello? ... He hung up on me!"

"I told you that guy's a dick," Prussia snorted. "What else does it say on that site?"

"Hhmmmm...There's quite a bit about Northern Germany and vampires."

"'Kay, I'll call West!" He pulled his phone out and pressed speed dial one. "Hey West, it's the Awesome Me...Just a quick question, what do you know about vampires? ... Yeah, yeah, but what about curing them ... Head Vampire? ... How would we kno-hey wait don't! He hung up on me."

"That's no surprise." France said. "What did he say though?"

"He said something about killing the 'Head Vampire' or some shit like that."

"You mean we need to kill the Head Vampire to change everyone back?"

"Yeah I guess so, but how would we find this guy?"

"Who else would know about vampires?"

"Russia," Spain interrupted. "Here it says there are lots of Slavic vampire lores, mainly Russian ones!" Before the others could say anything Spain had already called Russia.

"Hello Russia, it's Spain ... No thank you, I was wondering if you knew anything about vampires ... No thank you, we heard that if you kill the 'Head Vampire' you cure all others ... But how would we find the Head Vampire? ... Really? ... Okay, thank you, Russia! No thank you, bye-bye."

"What did the bastard say?" Prussia asked.

"He said it was really simple, they are just like what you'd expect a vampire to be,"

"Meaning?"

"They are really pale with red eyes, and it'll be someone who can't die no matter how much people have tried..."

"...hang on a minute,"

France and Spain turned to face the one person who technically shouldn't be alive, had deathly pale skin and red eyes.

"What?" Prussia asked them as they stared at him.

* * *

When Prussia regained consciousness he found himself tied to a chair in a dark room.

"Huuh...wha-? Who? Where?" He mumbled as he tried to make sense of what was going on. He squinted to see if he could make anything out of the dark shapes in the room, when a voice spoke.

"I have a hard time understanding your methods Prussia," an obviously French voice said. "If you were the Head Vampire all along the why would you alert us to your secret?"

"Maybe he was going to turn us into vampires too. That's why he made us go to America's." Came a Spanish voice behind him.

"You guys are crazy! I'm not a vampire!" Prussia screamed at them.

The lights suddenly came on.

"We'll be the judge of that! Spain, pass me the garlic." France commanded. "Eat this and we'll let you go!"

"I'm not going to eat that! Garlic is so unawesome and French!"

France's eyes narrowed, "...I see."

Prussia realised his mistake. "That doesn;t make me a vampire though!"

"Then eat the garlic." France demanded.

"No!"

"Eat it!"

"No!"

Their very 'intelligent' argument was cut short as they were abruptly soaked with water.

France was not pleased.

"My hair! It is ruined!" He shrieked.

"Dude, why'd you do that?" Prussia asked Spain, who was holding an empty bucket.

"It's Holy water, I wanted to see if it burnt you," Spain replied, "but it burnt France instead...does that mean he's the vampire?"

"Yes! Yes it does! Now quickly, untie me so we can stake him!" Prussia cackled at the thought. Spain went to untie him but was stopped by France, who had now calmed down, he then proceeded to devour the garlic he still had in his hand.

"That," he croaked, "was actually quite nice!"

"But now we have no garlic to see if Prussia's a vampire," Spain groaned.

"What else does that website say makes a vampire?" France enquired. Spain went to his computer to check. "It says that another symptom is the ability to control people's minds."

"Then Prussia definitely isn't a vampire. He doesn't have enough brain power to use his own mind, let alone anyone else's."

"Hey!" Prussia started to object but was interrupted.

"Okay, so if you're not the Head Vampire, who is?" France asked.

"How the hell should I know?"

"Why don't we set up a trap?" Spain asked the other two before another argument broke out.

"A trap?"

"Yeah, we could make the Head Vampire come to us by using bait."

"That's brilliant," France said amazed, "but what bait?"

"Well, it says here that are attracted to virgins."

"So we need to find a virgin, tie them up and leave them somewhere where the Head Vampire will find them and then we attack?"

"Yep." Spain replied merrily.

"Awesome. So where we gonna find a virgin?" Prussia asked.

Spain and France slowly turned to face him with devious grins on their faces.

"Hey! Fuck, you guys! I'm not a virgin!"

"Oh really, then please tell us who you have slept with." France scoffed.

"I - well - you - I - shut up!" Prussia stumbled over his words. "That is private! I'm not gonna tell you perverts!"

"That's all we needed to know."

* * *

A few hours later France and Spain were in some woods crouched behind a bush, a few metres in front of them was a tree with a Prussian tied to it. Prussia had found himself there after regaining consciousness for the second time that day. He had then proceeded to shout and curse at the top of his voice, so much so that he'd scared all the wildlife away, and was now attempting to gnaw through the ropes that held him to the tree.

France sighed.

"Is something wrong France?" Spain asked concerned.

"I've been thinking...vampires don't exist," France said, "remember before when there was that hysteria in the Eighteenth Century?"

"Yes," Spain chuckled. "I remember thinking my gardener was a vampire and refused to leave the house." He smiled at the memory. "It was only 'til Austria looked into it that everything calmed down."

"Come to think of it, it was Prussia who started that then and I think we've grown up since," he glanced towards Prussia, "well the two of us have anyway."

"I guess Prussia will always be Prussia."

France laughed, "I suppose you're right. Come on lets go home, this is pointless."

They both got up and left the woods, leaving Prussia behind. He was found a few days later by an angry and – not that he'd ever admit it out loud – worried Germany. He had used the tracking device he'd installed in Prussia's phone. On the journey back home he was curious about the two red marks on his brothers neck, but thought it best not to ask.

* * *

**xXxXx**

* * *

_Dun dun duuuun! Awful ending :D I can't believe I actually did research on vampires for this orz. Well I skimmed some websites *coughwikipediacough* – more than that Stephanie Meyer ever did! _

_So I read something interesting, in the 18__th__ Century there was this mass hysteria in Europe of vampire sightings and guess where it all started...East Prussia! Oh Prussia, never change~~  
_

_Maria Theresa of Austria (the Empress that all of us know and love) had her personal physician look into it and he concluded vampires didn't exist so Maria Theresa passed laws that prohibited the digging of graves and desecration of bodies – therefore ending the vampire hysteria. (or so says Wikipedia that most trust worthy of sites)_

_Just an interest fact in that weird and twisted thing we all love called History._

_I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed and added this story to their alerts and favourites, you guys make me feel all gooey and squishy inside ^3^ *pinches cheeks* _

_Next chapter should be: The BFT find themselves in prison and try multiple things to get out, including: tunnelling out with a spork, seducing the guards, selling Prussia, calling their 'loved ones' to ask for bail, and getting shot in the arse._


	3. Escape

Disclaimer: I own everything in the world ever! MUAHAHAHAHAHAAA! ...trufax!

A/N**: **I can't believe this took me soooo looong orz. Also thankyou all for the reviews and alerts and favourites and such...I have no idea if I can respond to reviews or not D: So if I can respond I am so very sorry that I haven't cos I have no idea how this works! *sobs* Anyway, moving on...

* * *

**With Friends Like These**

Chapter 3**  
**

* * *

**Escape**

* * *

"Eurgh," Prussia groaned as he awoke, "that's the last time I end an all night binge with a mixture of Jäger and toilet duck."

Rolling over he promptly fell onto the floor. Lifting his throbbing head he squinted, demanding his eyes to adjust to the unnatural white light that assaulted his senses.

"You always say that." He heard a voice echo through his pounding head.

"Shut up, Spain," he croaked, "I mean it this time!"

Spain could only chuckle hoarsely in reply.

"Will you two be quiet?" Demanded a groggy France.

"Ugh, the Princess is awake." Prussia mumbled.

"Big brother is the manliest here,"

"You are wearing a skirt." Spain chipped in.

"Proves how secure in my masculinity I am, unlike others." He shot a look at Prussia.

"Hey -" Before Prussia could make a retort he was interrupted by a loud clanging.

"Oi, keep it down in there!" came a voice.

The hung over trio stopped their argument to look at the man. He was around 5"8, brunette, angry, dressed in uniform and most importantly was behind a set of bars.

"Ah, shit," was all Prussia could say, "what have we been arrested for this time?

"You've been arrested," the police officer snapped, "for being drunk and disorderly, damaging public property, assaulting a police officer, stealing two police vehicles, crashing said vehicles, resisting arrest, throwing up on," he glared at Prussia, "and then sexually harassing," his glare turned to France, "the officer that eventually caught you after an hour's chase! You are to be questioned later today." With that the officer left.

"Well he was charming," France muttered. The shouting had increased his headache and being stuck in a jail cell with Prussia would only make things worse.

"I do remember being sick on him though." Prussia said aloud. "Crap, we've gotta get out of here!"

"Why don't we just explain what happened, pay the fine and wait to be released?" Spain asked.

"Don't be stupid," Prussia snapped, "if West finds out I got arrested again he'll confiscate my laptop forever!" He pouted.

"And if that English thug finds out," France added, "I'll lose a bet I have with him and will have to eat his cooking for a week! A whole week!" France shrieked and shook Spain violently to get his point across.

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea," Spain sympathised. "Then we must escape!"

"Leave it to me. After all I'm a master of battle plans!" Prussia jumped up and started pacing around the cell.

"This isn't a battle,"

"First we must examine every possible point of attack and charge in where they're at their weakest!"

"You're an idiot." France groaned.

"- cute little birds will be sent over the border to spy on their military operations and when we've gathered enough information I'll -"

"Where are we?" Spain cut in.

"- and once the badgers surround the castle we'll – wait, what? Isn't it obvious where we are, moron?"

Spain shook his head.

"We're in...a prison." Prussia finished lamely, after realising that he didn't know where they were either.

"You're both hopeless." France muttered.

"No, I mean whose country are we in?" Spain told them. "Not mine, everyone's too grumpy."

"Ah, good point," France looked around. "This place is nowhere near fabulous enough for us to be in my lovely lands." He boasted.

"Right, and we're definitely not in my country," Prussia joined in, "'cause there's no awesomeness, other than myself of course!"

An awkward silence fell over the cell.

"Nobody could ever be in your country...because you don't have one." Spain spoke carefully hoping not to set Prussia off on one of his sulks.

Prussia just burst out laughing.

"Your sense of humour is terrible," his laugh became strained, "your jokes are so unfunny and not true they bring tears to my eyes!"

While Prussia wandered into a corner to reassure himself of his awesomeness, France sauntered over to the cell bars.

"Excuse me," He called out to a guard. He was ignored. "Hello?" He tried again, to no avail.

"Prussia, could you use that loud mouth of yours and find out where exactly we are?" France asked the sulking ex-nation. Prussia jumped up at the chance to prove, yet again, how awesome he was. He strolled over next to France.

"Hey, you!" He yelled at the guard. "Oi, you with the hat. Yoo-hoo. Hello?" His shouting fell on deaf ears. "Oi, what country are we in?" That appeared to have caught the guard's interest as he turned around and scoffed.

"You don't know what country you're in?" He asked condescendingly. "Seriously?"

Before Prussia could make a retort Spain cut in. "Oh we do," He beamed, "We just thought we'd ask to see if you knew. It's a fun game we play when we wake up hung over and imprisoned."

"...was he just sarcastic?" Prussia whispered to a surprised France.

"No, it can't be, he doesn't have the brain capacity," He replied.

"For your information, you are in Vaduz, Liechtenstein." The guard finally answered. Spain thanked the guard and the trio hastened to the back of the cell to be out of ears reach.

"That's awesome!" Prussia exclaimed. "She doesn't have an army and there are, like, four people in the police, including that guy," He enthusiastically pointed at the guard who was eyeing them suspiciously. "This jailbreak will be easy, all we need is a plan."

Before either France or Spain could get a word in Prussia started to plot out loud.

"First we'll need at least twelve cute lil' birds-" As he ranted Spain zoned out and France tried to get his hair in a presentable state, "- then when it hits three-o-five exactly we'll -"

"I've got it!" Spain exclaimed, interrupting Prussia mid-plot and France mid-preen. "The only reason we can't get out is because of the bars, so all we need to do is get on the other side of them." Feeling pleased with himself he smiled at the others. France just stared back with disbelief.

"Yes, but to do that we need to get past the bars first."

"Let's just fight our way out, it'll be easy," Prussia butted in.

"They'd still have to open the cell first," France suddenly got an idea. "Just leave it to me, I shall seduce the guard," he exclaimed flamboyantly with a flick of his hair. "No one can resist my French charm." Smirking he sauntered over to the front of the jail cell.

"Oh, _mon amour_," he called out to the guard. "Do you come here often?" He asked while wiggling his eyebrows.

The guard gave him a blank stare.

"I work here..." He answered, not quite sure what was going on.

"Oh la la~ I love your uniform,"

"Err, thanks?"

"But it would look much lovelier on my bedroom floor," France winked.

"...what?"

"Oh this is useless," Prussia pushed France out of the way. "Oi thicko, the awesome me is hungry. I have rights, so go get me some food!" He demanded. The guard glared for a moment but ended up complying.

"Good idea, let's have some food and a siesta, then we'll think of a plan." Spain chirped once the guard left.

"No idiot, it's so we can dig our way out with the spoons they'll give us,"

"But what if we only get a knife and fork?"

"Damn! I didn't think of that."

"That's no surprise, you rarely think at all," France scoffed.

"You wanna relive the Franco-Prussian War?" Prussia growled. Before France had a chance to answer the guard returned carrying three yoghurts.

"Ha! You see yoghurts, and with yoghurts must come spoons!" Prussia pointed out.

"There you go," the guard said as he tossed the yoghurts at them. "Enjoy."

"The awesome me will," Prussia cackled. He looked down at the utensils that were also thrown at him. "Hey, where are the spoons?" He asked.

"We don't have any, so you'll have to eat it with that."

"...a spork. How the hell can I eat my smooth raspberry yoghurt with a spork?!" screamed Prussia.

"As you're so 'awesome', I'm sure you'll find a way." The guard replied with a roll of his eyes as he made his way out of the room for his much needed break.

"You see that, guys?" Prussia exclaimed to the others. "Even total strangers recognise my awesomeness," He struck a pose.

France and Spain shot each other an incredulous look.

"Yeah, they sure do," Spain told him with a strained smile, "so what are we going to do now?" he asked.

"If you had let me seduce the guard we'd all be home by now." France huffed at Prussia.

"Chill, I've got this," he replied. Grabbing the three sporks he sat down and started to dig with them. There were only two things he had over looked, only small things mind you. Number one was that the floor was made out of concrete. Add that to the fact that the sporks were made out of cheap plastic and you've got yourself a little bit of a problem.

"...fuck."

**- X -**

Half an hour later the trio were still no closer to escaping. France was nursing his hang over, Spain was taking a nap after eating the yoghurts and Prussia was sulking in a corner.

The first officer they had encountered came up to the cell.

"Alright, now you've quieted down you each get a phone call to tell someone where you are." He told them. "Sleepy, you're up first!"

Spain looked at the others groggily, "Should I phone Lovi?" He asked. "He'll be worried about me."

"No, dumbass, call someone who'll help us,"

They all thought for a moment.

"Italy?"

"He'll tell West!"

"Portugal?"

"He'll tell England!"

"What about Liechtenstein?"

"She'll tell Switzerland who'll demand money,"

"And kill us!"

"Hurry up!" The officer snapped. Spain made his way out of the now opened cell to the phone.

"Who you think he's gonna call?" Prussia asked France.

"He's smarter than we give him credit for, I'm sure he'll call someone who'll help." France was confident in his assertion.

"Ah~ Lovi~" Spain sang. France hit his head against the cell wall. "I'm sorry. I need some help...Yes I am with them and I have been arrested, how did you know? You're so smart," He chirped. "Hello? Lovi...?" He turned to the other detainees, "He hung up,"

They could only groan.

"My turn now, please." France told the officer. He swapped places with Spain, thought for a moment, dialled a number and turned to Prussia.

"I am sorry, dear Prussia, but you must sacrifice yourself for your wonderful friends," he said with tears in the corner of his eyes.

"What?"

"Ah, hello, Russia~" France greeted.

"Oi, What are you doing?!"

"I have a proposition for you. I am in a spot of trouble. I've been arrested and need someone to bail me out,"

"I mean it, Frenchie! What are you up to?!"

"For your kind services I will give you Prussia." France finished.

"You bastard! How dare you!" Prussia snarled and attempted to claw at France, but as he was stuck in a holding cell he couldn't reach.

"What? Oh no, I understand. Completely understandable. I agree. No problem, bye." France hung up.

"Well?" Prussia asked through gritted teeth.

"No luck, I'm afraid," France told him as he walked back to the cell. "He said you weren't worth the headaches."

"That bastard!" Prussia shouted, "How could anyone not want the pure awesomeness that is me?!"

"I think you're missing the point." Spain tried to calm him down.

"Loud one," The officer interrupted. "It's your turn."

Prussia completely forgot his rage.

"It's time for some famous manipulative Prussian mind games. Watch and learn, ladies," He sauntered over to the phone. Picking it up with arrogant confidence he dialled a number and waited.

"Hey, Switzerland," He smirked. "Guess where me, France and Spain are...We're 'inside' your little sister!" Prussia slammed the phone down and cackled all the way back to the cell.

"Totally worth it," he told the others.

"You fool!" France screeched. "That was our last phone call! Our only hope!"

"You doubt my awesomeness?" Prussia scoffed. "Trust me, it's all part of my amazing plan."

Before France could launch himself at the infuriating Prussian gunfire sounded in the air. Then he was only aware of one thing, and that was the searing pain in his bottom. Falling to the ground he looked over to see a hole in the skirt he was wearing and red pouring out of it. He started screaming.

His screams went unheard as the other two were currently trying to avoid getting shot by a rampaging violent Switzerland.

Police officers raced into the room.

"Quick, guys! Pretend you've been shot!" Prussia shouted over all the noise.

"I have been shot!" France shrieked back at him.

"Ah, yes, me too." Spain joined in and winked at the Frenchman, who was now rolling about on the floor.

"No, you imbecile! I've really been shot!" He sobbed, "My God, it hurts! Why is no one helping me?!"

With this statement screeched at him Spain began to turn his head back to have another look at France, which led him to run straight into the cell bars. There was a crack and Spain fell backwards. As soon as the Spaniard landed unconsciously on the floor Prussia ducked, barely dodging a well-aimed swing of Switzerland's gun. However, before he could gloat he trod on Spain's arm which sent him hurdling face first towards the metal bench he'd woken up on a few hours before, so it was only fitting that it sent him back to sleep.

**- X -**

Spain awoke disorientated. He felt a throbbing in his nose. Reaching up he gently prodded it a couple of times which only made the pain worse.

'_Great_,' he thought, '_my nose is broken_.' Sitting up he took in his surroundings. '_I'm in a bed, the room's white and smells sterile and my nose is broken…I must be in hospital!'_ He cleverly deduced. His usual cheery disposition disappeared from his face as his situation hit him.

'_Where are the others? Are they alright?'_ Jumping out of the bed he dashed to the door. Peering out the small glass window he saw two officers situated outside of his room. Opening the door ever so slightly and pressing his ear to the small opening he overheard their conversation.

"– we've separated them and placed guards by their rooms so they won't cause any more trouble or try to escape." One told the other.

"What of their charges?" The other asked.

"The albino and brunette will be taken back to the station and questioned later today and so will the other once his injuries have healed."

"And what of the attacker?"

Spain didn't listen to answer. He felt a surge of concern over what he had just heard.

"France is injured?" He mumbled, "And we're going to be separated…I won't let that happen!"

He quickly formulated a plan.

"This looks like a job for the Boss!"

**- X -**

Down the hall way from the scheming Spaniard was a moody Frenchman. After being shot in his _derriere_, watching two idiots knock themselves out, having several people prod and poke his backside – something he would normal enjoy, mind you – and having to lay around bored for hours, he was a tad fed up.

That was until a nurse walked into his room.

"I've come to check your wound, Mr…?" She was young, wide-eyed and oh-so pretty.

'_Time to turn on the French charm.'_ He thought. "Ah, _cherie_, no need to be so formal, if you wish you may call me…the one." He winked. _'Her heart must be racing!'_

Her heart was in fact not racing. She was after all looking at a foreigner lying in a bed with his arse in the air and craning his neck – not exactly a romantic moment. She walked over to inspect the wound.

"What is your name, _mon petit chou_?" He tried again.

"Sir, I'm trying to concentrate. If you don't mind being quiet" She told him coldly, she hated it when she had to treat criminals, even ones deemed to be harmless.

As his flirting technique seemed to be failing France could only conclude one thing about the nurse. _'She must be English!'_

He opened his mouth to try again – with extra French charm – but the nurse spoke first.

"It seems to be healing quite nicely…strange really…" She murmured, "Well good day, sir. I'm now off to check on your friends."

'_Friends?' _France combed his brain.

"AH!" He exclaimed, making the nurse jump. "Yes, my friends, may I see them?"

"You are all under arrest, so no." She explained.

"But it is a case of misunderstanding and I am very worried of their wellbeing." He choked out with false tears in his eyes.

"Ah…I'm sorry but the police said-" The nurse stumbled on her words.

"Oh those scoundrels! Tearing me away from my dearest friends!" He wailed. "They look up to me, you know? I am their big brother. They must think I have abandoned them in their time of need!"

At all the noise a police officer burst through the door and yelled. "Oi, keep it down! You're disturbing the other patients!" He slammed the door behind him as he left.

"You see how those brutes treat me?" France whimpered to the nurse, "I am just a worried big brother kept away from the little ones who need him," he gave the startled young lady his most fiery look. "Will you help me?"

Blushing, the nurse looked the Frenchman straight in the eyes with determination.

"What would you like me to do?" She asked.

France could only smirk.

**- X -**

Spain was ready. He was prepared. He picked up a chair and threw it at the door. The two police officers came rushing in.

"Wha-" Was all one could cry before he was knocked out by a swift kick to the head. The other officer had no time to react before a broken chair crashed into him, also knocking him unconscious.

Spain wasted no time in changing into the officer's uniform. Once he was dressed he stepped out into the hallway and shut the door behind him. Looking around to make sure no one else had heard the commotion he made his way to find someone who would know where Prussia and France were being held.

He pulled his cap down to cover his face and bandaged nose and sidestepped to avoid the bench he had almost walked into as he now couldn't see. As he slid around the bench he walked into a nurse.

"Ah~ I'm sorry!" He exclaimed and beamed at her hoping she would forgive him.

"Not a problem, officer!" She giggled in reply. Her voice was deep for a young woman, but Spain didn't notice. "Do you mind telling me where the injured prisoners are, handsome?" She asked bashfully, not quite showing her face, but instead choosing to hide it behind her shoulder length blonde hair.

"Oh, I was hoping you would tell me, sorry." Spain was disheartened. The woman turned her head to look up at him and froze suddenly. Spain gave her a smile to show he really was sorry.

"Spain?" She sharply hissed.

"How do you know me?" He gasped. "I mean! What? Spain? What are you on about?" He chuckled nervously.

"It's me you idiot! France!"

Spain gave the nurse a good look.

About his height – could be a girl or France.

Shoulder length blonde hair – could be a girl or France.

Wearing a dress – could be a girl or France.

Has a beard. _'Most girls don't have beards!'_ He noted.

"France," He exclaimed at last. "I was on my way to save you!"

"Shh, keep it down. Let's not get caught," France told him. "Now all we need to do is find Prussia and get out of here!"

"Do you know where he is?" Spain asked.

"No, this isn't good. He is the most vulnerable and weak minded of us. What if they're torturing him for information?" France shrieked.

"It's most probably the other way round."

"True."

"Johanna?" An elderly nurse addressed France. "What are you doing? You shouldn't be standing around talking!" She scolded.

"Sorry that's my fault," Spain interrupted. "I was asking Johanna where to find a patient." He beamed.

"No problem," She replied dazed. "Who were you looking for?"

"A prisoner who was brought in earlier," France told her, putting on a high-pitched voice. "He's loud-mouthed, rude and an albino."

"Well I know of an albino brought in today, but he wasn't rude, he seemed like quite a nice young man."

'_Can't be Prussia then.'_ The two Nations thought at the same time.

"He was under arrest, but the poor thing looked like he was about to cry," She continued. "So I took him to the cafeteria to get some ice-cream to cheer him up."

'_No, that's Prussia alright."_

"Thank you." They burst out and took off towards the cafeteria. After getting lost multiple times and having to stop to avoid security and medical personnel they finally made it. Straight away they spotted Prussia on his own eating ice-cream and holding an ice pack over one black eye.

"Hey guys!" Prussia shouted over to them, drawing attention. To shut him up the Countries raced over. "This really awesome old lady gave me some money to buy ice cream. I told you people know I'm awesome and should be doted on!" He laughed.

"Prussia," France growled, "if you've been out the whole time, why didn't you come to rescue us?"

"I was hungry," He stated. All he received was a glare. "What's the problem? I knew you losers would be fine and you are."

France was about to reply with some colourful words, but was interrupted by a group of police officers charging into the cafeteria.

"There they are!" Shouted one officer who was dressed in scrubs as his uniform had been stolen.

"Leg it!" Prussia yelled. "Quick out the window! It's the only escape!"

"But there's a fire door right there!" France yelled back while pointing to a fire escape that was nearer to them than the window. However, Prussia was already halfway to the window, Spain not too far behind.

"Don't leave me! I can't run in these heels!" France screamed at them. Spain quickly turned around, grabbed France and slung him over his shoulder.

"Hon~ Hon~ Hon~" Was all France could stereotypically snicker, despite the situation they were in. Spain caught up with Prussia and picked him up under his arm. He then smashed through the window and disappeared down the road.

"Told you my awesome plan would work!" Prussia yelled at France as they made their way to freedom.

The police could only stare in disbelief.

**- X -**

One week, and one healed black eye, broken nose, and buttock, later and news had gotten out about the trio's arrest.

Switzerland had yelled at France and Spain about the incident, and demanded compensation, at the next World Conference – causing it to descend into chaos.

England stood up and laughed menacingly at France.

"I knew it!" He bellowed. "Now it's time for you to taste my amazing cooking, you frog eating freak!"

France could only scream in horror as England pulled out a plate of 'scones'.

He turned to Germany hoping desperately that he'd enforce his 'No Food' rule.

However, the German Nation was preoccupied.

"Brother, you told me you were mugged!" He barked into his phone. "But instead you were arrested for being drunk, again?!"

Spain in the meantime had slipped away from the meeting before anyone could shout at him – he'd already endured a week of Lovino being grumpy about the whole situation.

"No TV or internet for a week!" Germany slammed his phone shut and tried to gain some order.

A howling _'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'_ could be heard all throughout Europe.

**- X -**

Later that night, outside the same pub they had found themselves at exactly one week before - a bored Prussian, tired Spaniard and a nauseous Frenchman gave one another a weary sigh and made their way inside to drink away their troubles.

The next day they woke up inside a holding cell.

"…there's only one thing we can do…Escape!"

* * *

**xXxXx**


End file.
